I went to a Confirmation retreat in a camping sight right by the beach, something very different from your average Confirmation class. It was a faith-filled opportunity for me. The retreat was made to gain a deeper relationship with God; being reminded that God loves me. I already know this for a fact from the constant learning about my faith throughout the years. Being an active catholic, I stand by my belief about God’s love for me.
The retreat was full of prayer and activities. There was rosary prayer in the morning followed by various activities based on my faith. The activities involved learning about love and trust in God. In one activity, I was sitting on a chair, blindfolded. All I could see was black. I was just sitting there listening to religious music in the background. But then, a hand touched my shoulder and lifted me off of the chair. The person held my hand and was walking me through places I didn't even know because I was blindfolded and couldn't see anything. Although, I did have a thought that I was outside because I could feel the wind and hear the ocean waves. I went through really rough grounds and up and down stairs. While I was walking with the person holding my hand, I heard voices telling me quotes about trust—trust in God and others. When I was guided back to my chair, I took off my blindfold and reflected about the whole point of this activity. It was a trust activity. I did trust the person walking with me because I was walking on ocean rocks and going up and down stairs while being blindfolded. Most of all, I didn't get hurt walking through those obstacles. God was guiding me and teaching me that it’s important to trust Him and others, considering I don’t trust a lot of people in my life. I realized that he was helping to overcome hate and unwillingness in order to trust others. He made his presence known to me, taught me about trust, all because he loves me.
Towards nigh-time, there was another activity. The activity took place inside a chapel. It was a little dark. But in the front of the chapel, there was small alter that had candles and a cross. It was a small alter in honor of God, but it still had a lot of meaning. I was the perfect little scene to be a part of. In the background, there were some leaders of the retreat playing the guitar and bass, singing the most beautiful religious songs. The rendition and lyrics were so touching that I felt God being with me once again. I went along singing some lyrics that I was familiar with. I was just singing banner of love, banner of love, banner of love, over and over again because those words had so much meaning and truth behind them. Those 3 words, banner of love, did have truth behind them. I though about how God’s love was powerful because the religious singing touched my heart that I cried tears of relief and happiness. While tears started flowing down my face, I thought about how many people go through so much worship because of love in God. I felt truly amazed about God’s love he spreads out to everyone. I realized that I wanted to be that kind of person—to worship God as much as others do because of love. Those tears was a sign about how much I love God and that God is always with me because he loves me.
The trust exercise and religious songs opened my eyes to how much God is guiding me and how much he loves me. Trust and those 3 words, banner of love, was all it took to reaffirm my belief that God loves me.
Hey traci! I'm going to be commenting your essay now! (:
ReplyDeleteOkay so, first of all, the experience you described was very touching. I see how God is a very important influence in your life and that you love him a lot.
The parts I like about your essay are that you describe the activities in your retreat well and you explain the significance of them as well. However, I feel that you use extraneous words and it makes your essay sound redundant. Also, it makes your essay pretty long. The requirement for this essay is that it's only supposed to be 500 words maximum.
So for the revision, you can try remove unnecessary sentences like: "Those 3 words, banner of love, did have truth behind them" because you already said that in the previous sentence. Also with that, you can try to explain what is the meaning or importance behind it since you seem to state it a lot in your essay. In your 2nd paragraph, you put this: "While I was walking with the person holding my hand, I heard voices telling me quotes about trust—trust in God and others." Instead of saying that you heard voices, you can input what the voices actually said to you during that activity. I think there are a lot of things you can take out or remove. Just look for the things similar to what I pointed out and revise it from there. I feel that your conclusion could be more descriptive I think. Instead of saying that God loves you and what not, you can give examples to SHOW why God loves you instead.
Overall, you have a good essay. Just remove the parts that seem extraneous and unnecessary in order to shorten your essay. Remember, the maximum number of words is 500. Good luck on revision.
-Sharmaine
Dear Traci,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your church retreat because I myself have been to a church retreat recently.
Your essay was more straight forward, you mostly just gave your experience away by just stating what happened. I feel that you should describe what had happened. Also, I feel that you've added some sentences that didn't need to be said, "The retreat was full of prayer and activities. There was rosary prayer in the morning followed by various activities based on my faith." You should just focus on one main thing for each paragraph. In the third pargraph you talked about "banner of love" but it wasn't clear to me of how important that phrase was. Lastly your last paragraph wasn't that strong of a conclusion. I think what would make your essay much stronger is if in the beginning you would talk about how the relationship between you and God were before the retreat; and for your conclusion you should talk about how the retreat has strengthened the relationship between you and God.
With these adjustments your essay will be PERFECT! :)
Kristen