Working together, relying on eachother are a few of the many aspects that build up unto the whole meaning of interdependence. Whether it is economic interdependence or global interdependence, or any other kind of interdependence, it all refers to the same idea—depending on others while the others depend on you.
Interdependence takes part all over the world. In fact, the whole world deals with some kind of interdependence and there is even an Interdependence Day that was in the year 2003. It is an element that helps keeps the world from war, helps countries to create allies and help eachother out in times of need, and much more. In a way, it connects all of us people together as a whole, creating a sort of peace and sustainability.
As interdependence plays a part in the world, it also plays a part in my own life—in what I learn and in what I do. In the past, interdependence was just an idea that sat on my mind having “dust particles” collect all over something that should have been in good use. It was an element that would make an incredible impact on me, changing my relationship with others into something much deeper. I did not have the effort to realize this until the beginning of the school year, where the theme of interdependence was splattered at my face. From there, I accumulated better understanding towards this meaningful theme from my peers and even from my MeneMAC classes.
One of my MeneMac classes, Media, taught me the meanings of interdependence. In the first quarter, I was assigned to make a Photoshop nametag that resembled the apprehension of the themes “empathy” and “interdependence”. Being informed about the content of these two themes, I was able to create this nametag with images that coincide with the objective of the required themes in the finished product. Before I did this assignment, I had to create a complete understanding about the themes so that I can end up with a nametag that perfectly resembled empathy and interdependence. So with all my effort from the research and the learning, I was able to end up with such clear knowledge. I noticed the difference between sympathy and empathy and how interdependence not only includes you but others as well. In the end, I was capable to apply my understanding of the meaning of empathy and interdependence into a Photoshop nametag image, showing evidence that I understand the meanings of these two themes.
One other of my MeneMAC classes, Biology, has allowed me to learn and apply the theme of interdependence. One project being in the process right in Biology classes called Ecybermission needs a team effort. It is a group assignment that requires interdependence because it adjures every team member to be reliable, where each and every single person of the team depends on each other in order to have successful collaboration to make what is supposed to be done, be accomplished in a rightful manner. In Ecybermission, it is not thinking and working as an individual, it is a full set of students working together to get somewhere. Being in my group, I have allowed myself to depend on my group mates and having my group mates depend on me so that our Ecybermission project can be successful.
Other MeneMAC classes including Hawaiian History and Language Arts 1 are other subjects that implement interdependence. One project like that KC3 project that are both present in Hawaiian History and Language Arts, have a use of interdependence. The KC3 in both subjects have a sense of helping eachother. In this project, there are so many assignments to be done at the same. In order to accomplish every single assignment, every single person has to pitch in, help eachother out, think of other people, and keep in mind interdependence. This project will not be close to successful if there is not a relying ability within each team member. From the experiences and mistakes that was already made while prepping for this project, the sense of depending on eachother is the key in making this project work. I have done this in depending on eachother while doing this project. For me, taking part in doing a power-point presentation, I have allowed myself to no do this presentation all by myself, but have my team members help me out in making the perfect power-point presentation.
Interdependence is relying and working with others. It is depending on other people and having those other people depend on you. Interdependence is one of the many aspects that create peace and sustainability in this world, making the world collide together into one.
1st paragraph- First sentence; should be "working together and relying on eachother".
ReplyDeleteSecond sentence- when you said "economic independence or global", replace that "or" w/ a comma. Also, "while the others depend on you", -while others depend on you
2nd paragraph- Second sentence; Break that sentence into two. End it with interdependence and start the next sentence with "There is even an....."
3rd paragraph-
4th paragraph- You could possibly cut a little bit from that paragraph, i felt like you repeated a lot.
5th paragraph- first sentence; "one other of my menemac classes" -another of my menemac classes...
second sentence; "needs a team effort" -needs team effort...
third sentence;"supposed to be done, accomplished in a rightful manner"-maybe you should take the comma out then choose either done or accomplished.
6th paragraph- fourth sentence; when you ended with "same." you should probably finish that sentence :)
last sentence; "i have allowed my self to no do" ummm, I got confused with that sentence
7th paragraph- second sentence; you shdould probably refrain from using a part of your word to define interdependence.
Last sentence; I've noticed that you have almost the same sentence as the last sentence in the second paragraph,
I think i've listed most of the mistakes , sorry if i've missed any. Your essay contains lots of great facts and ionformation but you should proofread just a little bit more.
TRACI,
ReplyDeleteI love your idea and aspects of interdependence. I especially like how you took the idea from the community, to globally, to your own life. OH, and the metaphor of "interdependence was just an idea that sat on my mind collecting dust particles" was interesting and creative. Your essay really shows true understanding and relation to the topic.
However, there were some mistakes that had to be redone. For example:
-2ND PARAGRAPH: "helps countries to create allies and help eachother out in times of need" ; you need a space between each and other. I also noticed that you've made this mistake a few times. Simple mistakes like this aren't too big of a deal, but be very careful and correct them as soon as you notice them.
-3RD PARAGRAPH: the metaphor, "where the theme of interdependence was splattered at my face" didn't make much sense or relate to interdependence. Try not to use too many metaphors in your essay because it confuses your reader.
-5TH PARAGRAPH: In this sentence, "It is a group assignment that requires interdependence because it adjures every team member to be reliable", I dont think that "adjures" would be the accurate word choice for that sentence because you and your team mates were not charged seriously under an oath. Be cautious of your word choice, and make sure that it is exactly you want your reader to know.
In the end, you explained how interdependence "is relying and working with others...making the world collide together into one". I love that idea because that's pretty much what interdependence is about. Working together as friends to make the world a better place to live in.
With a few adjustments to your word choice and proofreading, I think that your essay would be a great example of the true meaning of interdependence. Nice work, Traci.
Hi Traci,
ReplyDeleteLike Janelle, I like your "dust particles" image...it captures nicely the difference between knowing the dictionary definition of a word and *truly understanding* the concept.
I think, however, that you need to do way more "show, not tell" in the actual support that you provide in your essay. I will give one example, but it applies to the whole essay.
Notice your paragraph about your nametag. You talk a lot *about* the nametag and how it helped you to understanding interdependence. But nowhere in that paragraph do we ever get to "see" the nametag because there are no specific details about what it actually looked like.
Instead of talking *about* the nametag and eCyber and media, etc, *show* us the experiences.
I would also suggest focusing on just one or two, pehaps the nametag because it was the first and then one from second quarter because it will show how your experience has grown and deepened.
One more comment, this one on word choice: try to avoid using a thesaurus or thesaurus program for word choice. If the words are too formal, they actually work against voice and detail in your writing.
Also on word choice, Janelle makes a good point about "splattered"...it doesn't fit. The problem is that of "connotation"--the word may mean what you want, but the emotional impact of the word does not match. That is why "collide" doesn't work, either because it carries with it the idea of destruction (like a freeway collision) and you are trying to talk about something good.
Let me know if you have questions.
mrs s