This is based on Athena, The Goddess if Wisdom, Military Victory, and Crafts
She treats every person
In such a filial sense
She greets everyone warmly
With great strength
On certain days,
She loves to cook and weave
So she makes different crafts
For everyone to keep
She is very generous
And loves everyone,
She sometimes loses her temper
But her true kindness overcomes
She is a winner, not a loser
Through good tactics and such
She always seeks for victory
In everything she does
She uses her wisdom
To make right decisions
She inspires others with this gift
As if it were written
Traci! Since you don't have comments on your graphic and poem, I'll do it. lol
ReplyDeleteAnyways, let's start with your poem. You portray your allusion of Athena really well. However, I think you should use "I" statements more because this poem is supposed to be about you right? Try to incorporate more relations of the poem to you. I can see it in your poem, but try to put more "YOU" into it. I hope you get what I'm saying. Your word choice was pretty good also.
Now, for your graphic, I know you can do better. But this is a good start. I think you need to show more of your allusion into your graphic because right now, I don't really see it. Maybe it's just me. But yeah, that's all.
Good luck on your revisions.
-Sharmaine
Hi Traci,
ReplyDeleteThank for commenting on my post sorry yours is late....
Your poem has good structure. I like the fact that you stuck to four lines in each stanza, I helps the reader have an easier time following the poem. I also like the fact that you talk about a lot of different character traits. Even so I feel like your just explaining Athena and you should try to talk more about yourself too. I understand you are trying to talk about you commonalities with her but maybe you can try to talk about more specific examples about the allusion. I don't really know about the sentence fluency but I'm pretty sure you can work on it a little. Your word choice is awesome. I love how your adding words that I didn't know and your making me look it up haha I learned something new today. Anyways these words embellish your poem and really add a lot of meaning to your poem. Lastly I agree with Sharmaine about using more "I" in your poem to relate Athena to you.
Okay overall I think its a good start. I hope this comment helped, if you have any questions just let me know. k byes :)
Hi Traci,
ReplyDeleteGreat start to your allusion poem and graphic. And I agree with your teammates on where you could improve it. I think you could use either third person (she) or first person (I) but the important element is the specific connection between you and the allusion. Both Sharmaine and Kiyo recommend that you put in more specifics about yourself into the poem. As for word choice, I would take out the phrase "and such." It's like "etc" and doesn't really give a specific picture.
Your graphic includes the significant emblems of Athena but, like the poem, could include more of the connection with you.
Great start! Good luck on the revision :)
mrs s