I see a crowd of people standing up, looking towards the stage. A singer stands on the stage with a guitar. Beaming lights that are blue and and yellow shine on the audience and stage. I could hear the crowd cheering and yelling. I also listen carefully to the singer and guitar as both play a musical tune. I could feel the cold breeze from the night air, and the skin of others as my body is squished against them. Everyone--the singer and the audience are singing, yelling, and cheering in any way possible. You could tell that the singer is calm and talented, while the audience is enthusiastic and excited.
Hi Traci,
ReplyDeleteLooks like an exciting concert! :)
What you need to do, however, is apply more of the techniques that we've been learning in class to your descriptions.
For example, avoid the excess explanation (I see a crowd...I could hear...I could feel). State things more directly...show, not tell.
For example: "Fans crowd the state, where a singer stands in the spotlight, guitar in hand."
Try to be more conscious of applying the different practice exercises that we've done, on paper and on Promethean :)
Assessment score: 2
mrs s